Following a spectacular descent from the Kingdom of Heaven two weeks ago, Jesus Christ has spoken to the masses to express his deep disappointment at his lack of social-networking friends.

“I made a Facebook account two-weeks ago and no one has added me except my twelve closest friends” Jesus told followers last night. “I mean Matthew, Paul, John and the others are the best, but I’ve sent millions of requests still ‘awaiting approval’ ”.

“I haven’t got anyone to send my Mafia Wars requests or fun quizzes to! I even accepted Judas as a friend, but he’s on Limited Profile for now. Don’t even get me started on my Twitter followers.”

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