Chuck Norris contemplating who will die next

Martial artist and actor Chuck Norris has weighed into the controversial US healthcare debate, siding with conservatives opposed to a national government-funded scheme. Presenting his own alternative to nationalised healthcare, Norris revealed a system in which sick individuals would be ‘beaten back to good health - or die’, should they fail to recover - a process he calls ‘natural selection’.

To be presented in a daily television game-show format entitled ‘Chuck Norris Presents: Death Panel’, the scheme would focus on contestants entering the show to have the opportunity to be healed by the Walker, Texas Ranger star. Each day new contestants will state their cases for healing by Norris, who will consider their circumstances and select one individual to receive his premium healthcare treatment – a roundhouse kick to the head.

Pilot filming has already commenced in Hollywood, CA, for the thirteen-part series which will air next month. Speculation is already rife that the series will be endorsed by the national health industry, as many fans have already placed their full-faith in the program.

“Obama-care, Socialism, forget all of that. Here we have a true American hero doing what’s right for his country!” Tanya from New Orleans told WPN. Other supporters echoed similar sentiments, with many entering friends and relatives into the show with hopes their long-term medical conditions will be cured.

“My husband suffers from chronic backpain, so I’ve entered him on the show with hopes he can meet Chuck Norris” Melissa from Alabama told us, prior to the filming of the first show. “We’ve heard that his tears can cure any illness, though this is said to be an extremely rare phenomena. But I’m sure my husband’s plight will touch his soul and bring out his Chuck’s inner beauty.”

An ambulance was seen rushing to the studio shortly after filming began.

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