Could these be your children?

EXCLUSIVE: Twilight, Vampire Diaries, the list goes on. A series of satanic books, written by twisted authors, with one goal in mind – turning our children into vampire serial killers. While touted as being educationally friendly and encouraging children to read, the books contain nothing more than pure mayhem.

Socialism, Fascism, Satanism and Anarchy are among the sick values you could find by simply flicking through one of these paperback books of terror. Our exclusive study reveals what your children are reading, and how you can stop them from becoming the blood-thirsty undead.

Does your teenage son or daughter seem withdrawn? Do they spend a lot of time out with friends, and less time speaking to you about their problems? Have you noticed any unusual paranormal activity, or creatures of the undead visiting your child? If so, you may have a vampire lurking in your very house.

The latest trend in pop-culture seems to be the vampire lifestyle – an underground terrorist network hell-bent on transforming others to their destructive ways. Recruitment is at an all-time high with the unprecedented success of the Twilight film series, as vampires seek to bring their shadow-ridden world to the surface and cause mayhem and anarchy.

You only have to visit local shopping malls to see the extent of infection – vampires often disguise themselves as ‘goths’, or the lowly ‘emo kids’ in order to conceal their true identities. While your child may appear to be depressed and listening to music resembling a cat being put through a mincer, do not be fooled – the outrageous hair styles are designed to draw attention away from other vampire features, which reveal their true form after dark.

Signs your child may be a vampire

    * Twilight book series
    * Dark clothing
    * No shadow or reflection
    * Teeth marks on neck
    * Fangs protruding from canine teeth
    * Withdrawn, don’t want to discuss problems with you
    * Blood stains not caused by you


While tales of staying out late at night and forming loving relationships with vampires all seek to capture the imagination of the young, recent analysis by WPN has found damning evidence of links between the vampire lifestyle and terrorism aimed at destroying Western democracy.

 “If we could bottle luck, we’d have a weapon of mass destruction on our hands”

       Edward Cullen

 Statistics show that vampire attacks have risen 44% in the past three-months, with an average of nine innocent individuals attacked per day. A weapon of mass destruction in the hands of vampires would be catastrophic to say the least. 

But despite the overwhelming evidence, some fanatics still believe there is no need for alarm.

 Several top-level liberal scientists believe that vampirism is a natural part of a teenagers life, and most children must pass through the phase in order to reach adulthood. As one renowned vampireologist told WPN, “It’s not all that different to reaching adulthood – developing fangs, becoming nocturnal, feasting on the blood of the unworthy – these are all perfectly natural habits which will cease once the season has passed”.

The head of the MACV (Mothers Against Child Vampires) organisation fiercely refutes these claims. “I find it unbelievable that scientists in some lab somewhere can tell us what’s best for our children. How about they try living with a child-turned-vampire for just a day. Let’s see them deal with wiping blood off the carpets, picking up bat-droppings and having to make hundreds of crispy snacks for vampire basement meet-ups.’

Experts have designed a series of measures which they believe is the best way to protect your family from the vampire threat, though they strongly advise against approaching your child or attempting to discuss these issues with them.

Expert Tips

    * Do not approach your child
    * Scatter salt around the house
    * Consume copious amounts of garlic
    * Keep a loaded gun safely on top of the kitchen table


Stay safe. And remember – a vampire could be watching you right now.
 

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