Rolland on hearing he had won $12 million

The lucky Sydney-sider who scored a landmark lotto win last night, to the sum of a handsome $12 million, has been revealed as disgruntled pensioner and feared neighbour Rolland Denzil. Best known for his fierce defense of his gardens and reporting of neighbours to the local council for untrimmed lawns, Rolland is expected to pile his winnings onto his already generous superannuation fund.

While the Northern-suburbs newsagency which sold the winning ticket is today celebrating is success with champagne bottles and widespread media coverage, Rolland was less than enthusiastic with the attention drawn by his mega win, telling waiting television cameras to “get the hell off my lawn”. A written statement posted on his living room window read “Go away or im [sic] calling the cops”.

Meanwhile neighbour and struggling single mum Joanne Fraser was less than impressed with Rolland’s win, particularly since it follows his recent luck in the local club raffles and a successful Melbourne Cup punt.

“Not even a week ago I saw him pulling $300 out of a poker machine, and yet I can’t get a single feature with maxed-out $5 bets” Joanne told WPN. “How am I supposed to feed my kids at night?”

Relatives meanwhile were speculative on how he may spend his newfound wealth, with most having lost touch with Rolland following an argument at a 2003 Christmas dinner over local zoning laws. One relative told us “the mean bastard will probably use the money buy a mulcher, so he can shred the kids balls that go over his fence”.

"This just goes to show there's absolutely no justice in the world."

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