Obligatory body shot of fat person

Soap manufacturers across the country have posted record profits this quarter, coinciding with a sharp increase in obesity levels across the Australian population. With one in every three adults now classified as overweight, along with one in every five children, production factories have found themselves struggling to meet demand as more soap is used more often.

Gerald Nichols of the Soap Manufacturing Union attributes the increased demand to "quite simply - fatter, sweatier Australians."

"It comes down to simple math. The fatter people are, the greater surface area there is to wash on their bodies - hence the use of more soap. Coupled with sweat build-up due to their weight and the Australian climate, we're seeing some individuals use up to 5 bars of soap a week."

Soap prices are said to be quite consistent with economic prosperity - during the Great Depression soap sales drop dramatically, with the public having less money to spend, losing weight and having less surface area to cover.

"Of course the ramifications of this were quite horrific. Empty soap boxes were used by the likes of Hitler to gain support and momentum, when they should have been subsidised by the government to continue production."

With no signs of an immediate decline in weight levels, Gerald Nichols remains highly optimistic about future growth in the industry.

"And if our customers decide to get liposuction or fat removal procedures? There's about 15 bars of soap in each of them. It's like an automated recycling system."

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