Say hello to our newest Australians

The pending arrival of two giant Chinese pandas to Adelaide Zoo in coming weeks has outraged local residents and anti-migration protesters, who claim the city has already reached its capacity and cannot accommodate the burden of any more queue-jumping migrants. The issue of the arriving ‘boat-pandas’, as they are often called, has been linked by some to the softening of Australia’s border policies and pandering to more powerful overseas nations.

Upon arrival in Australia the pandas will be housed in a purpose-built $8 million complex, and provided with food and supplies at the expense of Australian taxpayers. Revelations of the settling arrangements made for the pandas have led to allegations of a ‘special deal’ being approved by the government, a view strongly promoted by anti-migration groups attending a rally in the CBD this morning.

“This is not a racial issue, I’ve got plenty of panda friends” said one protestor from No Pandas Australia. “But this has gone too far. Next thing they’ll be opening panda schools, bamboo restaurants, claiming welfare. You only have to look at the problems in Europe, pandas don’t assimilate with the local communities!”

Police presence was heavy as an opposing rally by the Led The Pandas Stay Coalition took place only hundreds of meters away, campaigning for greater panda rights and more generous allowances for future boat-panda arrivals.

Supporters of our newest Australians point to international agreements signed by the government offering protection to pandas on arrival, as per the UN Declaration of Panda Rights. Let The Pandas Stay Coalition President Mike Ramsay believes race is definitely an issue, claiming in a written statement that those opposed are “ignorant rednecks, who had no issue with white polar bears migrating to the Gold Coast.”

Opposition MPs meanwhile are calling for the reintroduction of Temporary Panda Protection Visas, which would see pandas returned to their native homelands before losing their value to the Australian tourism industry.

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