Oprah giving her impression of the Sydney Opera House

Medical professionals across NSW are reporting a sharp increase in instances of patient lethargy and indifference, coinciding with an upcoming visit by television celebrity Oprah Winfrey. The "Queen of Talk Shows", as she is affectionately known, is due to touch-down in Sydney on Thursday morning (AEST) to host a special episode of her popular television show in the Sydney Opera House.

"While in the US the main problems associated with a visit by Oprah include light-headedness, screaming and fainting, Sydney-siders seem to experience quite the opposite" one medical specialist told WPN. "In fact people are extremely indifferent to her visit, and would prefer if she went to Qatar instead."

Industry rumours also suggest Oprah may consider donating a large sum of money to the most disadvantaged communities and individuals in Australia, with South-West Sydney and CityRail commuters ear-marked as likely recipients.

A late appeal video for the suburbs featuring a kangaroo resembling Scooby-Doo was considered, but scrapped at the last minute after being described as "just f****** stupid".

In related news, leaked diplomatic cables have shown the US military considered sending Oprah into Afghanistan under deep-cover, in an effort to demoralise the Taliban and Al-Qaeda forces.

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