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City Rail Considers Ways To Further Annoy Commuters Print E-mail
Australian News
Thursday, 29 July 2010 12:50
Early model trains are also tipped to replace Millennium Trains

Early model trains are also tipped to replace Millennium Trains

Not satisfied with current levels of frustration aimed at the outdated Sydney rail network, CityRail has begun trialling new improvised methods of annoying commuters and making their trips even less bearable.


Methods tabled by a specialised committee included making guards ruder, less helpful and delaying train arrival times, although current measures were judged to be more than sufficient.


Town Hall station meanwhile began trials of broadcasting annoying announcements to passengers awaiting Airport line trains, which are believed to have severely frustrated some passengers to the point of inflicting self-harm.


 
Australian Internet Supplies May Expire By 2015 Print E-mail
Australian News
Written by Billy Bradley   
Wednesday, 23 June 2010 19:06
The internet, a series of 
complex tubes

The internet, a series of complex tubes

The government is set to unveil a $43 billion dollar broadband national network that will see high-speed broadband delivered to ‘all Australians’.

The Rudd government says the plan will benefit ‘all Australian schools, businesses and families’, but is a little vague on exactly how it benefits these groups other than saying ‘the velocity of the Internet will increase 100 fold’. Mr. Rudd said the plan, in addition to helping his declining popularity in the polls, will allow Australia to catch up to technological superpowers China, Burma and Korea in the technological stakes.

 
Future Students To Be Spared From Watching 'Gallipoli' Print E-mail
Australian News
Monday, 24 May 2010 00:20
Critics have previously claimed that screening the film to students borders on torture

Critics have previously claimed that screening the film to students borders on torture

In an act of unprecedented kindness by the Australian government, school children will no longer be forced to endure Peter Weir's 1981 war film Gallipoli as part of their secondary education studies.


The Department of Education, Employment and Workplace Relations today announced the changes as part of the new national modern history curriculum, which has been welcomed strongly by academics and historians alike.

 
Wilson Tuckey Blames David Jones Scandal On Super Profits Tax Print E-mail
Australian Politics
Monday, 21 June 2010 18:16
Tuckey during a moment of enlightenment

Tuckey during a moment of enlightenment

Following his controversial comments blaming the proposed 'Super Profits Tax' for the disappearance of Australian mining executives flying over the Republic of Congo, Wilson Tuckey has gone on the offensive once more, pointing the finger at the Rudd government as the reasons for David Jones CEO Mark McInnes' escape overseas. The disgraced executive, accused of inappropriate conduct towards female staff during his time as an executive in the retail giant, has fled to Bangkok with his pregnant girlfriend to avoid media criticism.

 
Soap Makers Rejoice As Obesity Levels Skyrocket Print E-mail
Australian News
Thursday, 08 April 2010 04:00
Obligatory body shot of fat person

Obligatory body shot of fat person

Soap manufacturers across the country have posted record profits this quarter, coinciding with a sharp increase in obesity levels across the Australian population. With one in every three adults now classified as overweight, along with one in every five children, production factories have found themselves struggling to meet demand as more soap is used more often.


Gerald Nichols of the Soap Manufacturing Union attributes the increased demand to "quite simply - fatter, sweatier Australians."


 
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Australian News

City Rail Considers Ways To Further Annoy Commuters

Image - City Rail Considers Ways To Further Annoy Commuters

Not satisfied with current levels of frustration aimed at the outdated Sydney rail network, CityRail has begun trialling new improvised methods of annoying commuters and making their trips even less bearable. Methods tabled by a specialised committee included making guards ruder,

Thursday, 29 July 2010 Comments

World News

Chuck Norris Reveals His Healthcare Plan – ‘A Roundhouse Kick To Every Head’

Image - Chuck Norris Reveals His Healthcare Plan – ‘A Roundhouse Kick To Every Head’

Martial artist and actor Chuck Norris has weighed into the controversial US healthcare debate, siding with conservatives opposed to a national government-funded scheme. Presenting his own alternative to nationalised healthcare, Norris revealed a system in which sick individuals would be

Wednesday, 9 December 2009 Comments

Politics

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Australian Politics

Wilson Tuckey Blames David Jones Scandal On Super Profits Tax

Image - Wilson Tuckey Blames David Jones Scandal On Super Profits Tax

Following his controversial comments blaming the proposed 'Super Profits Tax' for the disappearance of Australian mining executives flying over the Republic of Congo, Wilson Tuckey has gone on the offensive once more, pointing the finger at the Rudd government as

Monday, 21 June 2010 Comments

World Politics

Kevin Rudd Appoints Himself as Secretary General of UN

Image - Kevin Rudd Appoints Himself as Secretary General of UN

Following the appointment of Peter Costello and Brendan Nelson to high-profile government positions, Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has announced today that he has elected himself to the position of United Nations Secretary General. To begin his duties in 2010, Rudd

Friday, 6 November 2009 Comments

Opinion

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Socialist Boat People Force Earth Hour On Freedom Loving Aussies

Image - Socialist Boat People Force Earth Hour On Freedom Loving Aussies

Within every nations life span, there comes a time to stop and take reflection - are we happy with the way our country is headed? Looking overseas, we are indeed the lucky country. War, famine, disease and disaster plague our

Monday, 5 April 2010 Comments

Foreign Correspondants

A Word From Beijing

在主持人宣布仪式正式开始之后,我院三名外教分别与区文明办沈主任切磋了乒乓球技术。最后,沈主任还热情的与我院三名外教合影留念。活动当天,北京电视台 的记者还对三位外教进行了采访。外教们表示很高兴能够参加这种文体活动,不但锻炼了身体还更深刻的了解到乒乓球在我国的地位和重要性。外教Shaun在记

Tuesday, 10 November 2009 Comments

Entertainment

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Kesha Threatens Lawsuit As Party Starts Before She Walks In

Image - Kesha Threatens Lawsuit As Party Starts Before She Walks In

An unsuspecting Bankstown family has found itself facing a pending lawsuit from popsinger and songwriter Ke$ha, following allegations of a family gathering commencing before the starlet arrived at the premises. Since the release of her chart-topping single "Tik Tok", Ke$ha

Monday, 5 April 2010 Comments

Star Watch

Oprah Spotted Eating Lunch!

Image - Oprah Spotted Eating Lunch!

Entertainment sources and the media are on overdrive today as TV personality Oprah Winfrey was spotted eating lunch at a Miami restaurant last Tuesday. The talk-show host and diet advocate is rumoured to be going through some tough times, and

Saturday, 26 December 2009 Comments

 


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